SPAM guide to squatting in bristol

many people are put off squatting by misinformed prejudices. some think that squatting is a political act. others that it is hard work and requires developing new social and practical skills. we can assure you that this is not the case. many find that it is a simpler alternative to housing benefit and will allow you to earn alot of money should you choose to work at the same time.

in this guide we hope to show you how you can live a very comfortable squatting lifestyle without ever having to leave your sofa.

SOFAS

forget crowbars and skeleton keys. first off youll need to find a good sofa. drop in at a friendly-seeming squat and make yourself comfortable. very comfortable. you may have a drink or a smoke but this isnt entirely essential. talk the evening away and pass out as late as possible.

you may be woken (or attempts may be made) by some busybody in the morning. do not leave your sofa at any time.

ELECTRIC HEATERS

one of the great luxuries of not paying for your electricity bill. get one, turn it on and turn it off come summertime

SQUATTERS MEETINGS

if youre lucky, there may be squatters meetings in your town or city. these are great places to learn how life in squats works. theyre also the key to finding your next sofa. there is often some sort of structure to meetings but feel free to interrupt at any time if you think of something important to say.

squatters are liberals so feel free to turn up pîssed or on drugs. whether you share your substances or not its likely to win you friends and sympathy. remember the people around you will be doing everything to sort you out for the forseeable future, from fixing your plumbing to bringing you toilet roll. smile and ingratiate yourself. see ‘key phrases’ for good phrases to drop into conversation.

PHONETREES

many squatting groups operate ‘phonetrees’. its probably easier to think of these more as pyramids though. if you have any kind of problem; if a policeman or the owner comes to the door; if someone asks you to leave your squat for some reason… just remember: it isn’t your fault. it isnt your problem. you dont have to deal with it. squatters rights are on your side. do not get off your sofa at any time!

call the most important man you know. he will then contact his friends, who will contact their friends until the message trickles down to even the laziest, least reliable people in town. theyll take it from there. do not leave your sofa.

if you get a call from the SPAM phonetree its often worth popping down to see familiar faces from SPAM. you wont need to do anything. it is very unlikely there will be any problems from the police (unless its something political). after all, most of the time theyre on our side really.

KEY PHRASES

you dont have to know what they mean but theyre great to drop into conversation:

capitalism
hyper feminism
property is theft
all coppers are bastards
‘the community’

produced by SPAM network for Squatting Patriarchy and Mantalk

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